"I Am Not A Programmer"
The worst way to ask for help.
So... you're developing or modifying an existing web or GUI application. You send an email to the maillist or inject into IRC asking for help:
I need help! I just need to do <X>. I am not a programmer.
Hey... guess what! Congratulations, you just became a programmer by deciding to do what you're trying to do! So you can't hide behind that particular "I'm not a programmer" skirt anymore, you gave that right up when you opened the first file in your editor.
None of us are really "programmers"... there's no cabal or test we all take. We're all trying to figure it out just like you. So save the excuses, use Google and the powers of logic to ask a reasonable question that pertains to your problem and maybe someone will help.
stations of christ
If you spin this into a full bildungsroman of a book, I would like to submit the following chapter titles: "How to give thanks for your new orifice", "You are not a special flower", "Bikesheds, license discussions and other levels of hell", "Hammer and rope, a user manual", and "Call me an expert because they could not find the pooch when I was done with it."
Urgent-o-meter
Another example: People who will tell you that their problem is *really urgent*, as if their own priorities are somehow connected to the developer/supporters'. Extra points for actually hiking that useless priority setting Emails can have attached to them.